Women’s lives matter

gender violence 1

Bongiwe Nkomazana
All lives matter, that goes without saying but I would like us to take a moment to zoom in on the many women whose lives have been brought to an abrupt halt at the hands of men.

There was an article published on the 22nd of May about how a woman is battling for her life after being stabbed by a man.

Let me stop you right here and bring you back to focus because I know as one reads this they begin thinking of possible scenarios or reasons that could justify why she was stabbed. It is unjustifiable, period.

According to the writer’s sources, this woman was upset over nasty rumours that a certain man was spreading about her. These rumours were causing havoc in her relationship and she decided to confront this certain man.

Sounds like the logical thing to do right? To approach what you believe is the bud of your problems and try to nip it . . . right? Well one thing for certain is that she did not imagine that she would be lying in  bed in hospital fighting for her life over her decision.

Let us put things into perspective shall we. How shocked are you, on a scale of one to five, when you read a headline of a man abusing or killing a woman? And then, on the same scale, when you read a headline of a woman who abused or killed her husband?

If you are honest you will realise that the latter headline would spark your senses more. It is because the murder and torture or harassment of women by men is almost expected whilst we cannot even begin to fathom what type of a lady monster would kill another human being.

We also have the recent case of our favourite “Queen of Gqom” and how her partner was allegedly abusing her. I, for one, would not be surprised if this issue did not affect the alleged perpetrator’s career at all but stopped the rising ’Queen of Gqom’ , who is the victim right in her tracks.

We have, on one hand, people saying that women should get out of abusive/inhumane situations and on the other hand, the stigma and humiliation that wait for you once you are out together with the fear of what the abuser could still do to you due to his bruised ego.

Have you ever thought about why women stay in abusive relationships?

I asked this to a friend of mine and he said women are strange because they will be accustomed to anything.

The same way one woman gets so used to her husband’s chain-saw like snoring or his everyday stench is the same way another woman will get used to her husband laying hands on her to a point where she will upset him on purpose in order to receive her monthly beating.

That is a plain lie by the way. Women stay in abusive relationships because they have been promised death if they don’t and are afraid for their lives. Ironic, yes, but it cannot be an easy situation to be in.

Yes, some women kill men too and it should be taken just as alarmingly but I really want to bring out the pattern that I, a non-detective, budding researcher who is an avid viewer of Discovery ID, have seen with murders where a woman is the victim.

In most of the cases I have read about or watched, a woman will kill a man because she has been abused by this man for a long period of time and snaps or she will kill in genuine self defence- emphasis being on the word genuine-.

When men kill women, however, it is because they just can. I mean they are physically stronger and faster and have the ability to walk away from any situation making the act of hurting the physically weaker species a choice. When a man kills a woman they tend to have been perpetrators of violence against that woman and other women for years and her death is just the manifestation of the long-term abuse.

A study carried out in England stated that nine out of ten women are killed at the hands of a man they know. Of these, 78 percent were killed by their current or former intimate partner, three percent by their sons, five percent by another male family member and nine percent are killed by a male stranger.

Unsurprisingly, men also dominated as offenders for all motives considered in the research. For example, homicides driven by concealment and jealousy are mostly committed by males, followed closely by hate, revenge and thrill. This explains why cases of being dumped for another man seldom end well.

Let me direct this question to the brothers on behalf of the women. Why is rejection an issue with you? Why should a woman die for you to feel better about yourself?

There are 3, 7 billion women in the world… if one says they are not interested in you anymore put down your gun, knife, axe, fist and  move on to the next one. No one has to die; no one has to go to jail.What really made my heart heavy when I read the article from the 22nd of May by Whinsley Masara is the idea that this lady is someone else’s daughter, whether the rumours were true or not, or whether she came with a disrespectful attitude and slurred the most humiliating slander…she is a living soul.

Her family have hopefully, taken time to raise and give her all they can to make her life pleasant and then comes this random man deciding to put their daughter’s fate in his hands.

I then put myself in her shoes and I failed to imagine the fear she had in that moment and now the pain she is going through… the fear that all women who have passed due to violent crimes by men had in that moment before their last breath….

All these women victims meant the world to someone and to have their lives taken violently and unnecessarily makes these cases that more painful. Stop the violence.