Mugabe Resigns – Moves to UK to run for Prime Minister
HUMOUR – Harare, Zimbabwe – Robert Mugabe has stunned the world once again by announcing his resignation as President of Zimbabwe with immediate effect. The controversial Mugabe was once hailed as a symbol of the new Africa, but a brutal regime and ruined economy have apparently been his downfall.
There have been reports of widespread celebrations in the capital and throughout Zimbabwe as news of Mugabe’s resignation reached the people.
In Harare, there was spontaneous dancing in the streets throughout the night with joyous revellers chanting, "Chinja, Chinja, Guqula", "Jongwe Mupoto," "Hezvoko", "Bwaaa"!.
"I think it’s because he was too getting too old for it," offered Duncan Whitehead, one of the few remaining white farmers still clutching onto his cassava. All I know is that my cassava has grown much larger following Mugabe’s resignation."
Mugabe’s long-time supporter and disgraced former South African president, Thabo Mbeki, praised Mugabe for his bold resignation move. Mbeki, whose slick talk has placed him at the forefront of peace negotiations in Zimbabwe stated, " Comrade Bob Mugabe!"
Lest we forget, Robert Mugabe has confounded his critics many times since assuming power in 1980. All indications suggest that he is about to do so again now that he is in London.
Eager to re-embrace Zimbabwe after Mugabe’s resignation, UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown hurriedly re-admitted the country back into the Commonwealth. The crafty Mugabe quickly took advantage of his new status as a Commonwealth citizen and boarded a private jet for London with his family and political entourage.
Interviewed at his posh penthouse suite overlooking Speakers Corner in Hyde Park, Mugabe appeared relaxed and full of energy.
"With Obama being elected in America, everything’s changing, everything’s possible for black politicians," asserted Mugabe.
"Then we’ve got UK Equality Chief, Trevor Philips, saying there is too much institutional racism in Britain to ever allow a black PM here. And then the next day, the Attorney General, a black woman, says Obama opens the way for a black prime minister," said Mugabe with a twinkle in his eye.
"Add in the world economic crisis and armed conflicts and my experience with far worse than all that in Zimbabwe, and now being readmitted to the Commonwealth, and the white man has created the ‘perfect storm’ for me to be elected UK prime minister."
"You might be laughing at me now," chided Mugabe, shaking his finger in the air. "But they laughed at Obama two years ago as well. I don’t like being laughed at."
Mugabe added, "And don’t forget your history. The last King of Scotland was black."