What They Really Think about Mugabe

Joyce Mujuru: He has depth, but only on the surface. Down deep inside, he is shallow. The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe him.

Chihuri: He is a living proof that man can live without a brain. Calling him stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Morgan Tsvangirai: When he dies, I’d like to go to his funeral but I’ll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.

Munangwagwa: I’ve come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than he is.

Simba Makoni: Anyone who told him to be himself couldn’t have given him worse advice.

Nathaniel Manheru: Nobody says that he is dumb. They just say he was sixteen years old before he learned how to wave good-bye.

Gideon Gono: Any similarity between him and a human is purely coincidental!

Tendai Biti: Ordinarily people live and learn. He just lives.

Patrick Chinamasa: I bet his brain feels as good as new, seeing that he has never used it? Has he ever thought of suing his brain for non support?

John Nkomo: They just invented a new coffin just for him that goes over the head. It’s for people who are dead from the neck up.

Mutambawa Authur: When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, he was holding an umbrella.

Nkosana Moyo: He is the kind of person who, when one first meets, one doesn’t like. But when one gets to know him better, one hates him.

Bishop Pius Ncube: All of his ancestors must number in the thousands; it’s hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing him.

Zhuwawo: I reprimanded my son for mimicking him. I told him not to act like a fool.

Jonathan Moyo: He used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now he is just the opposite. He is obnoxious and arrogant.

Prof. Welshman Ncube: If I ever need a brain transplant, I’d choose his because I would want a brain that had never been used.

Job Sikhala: If we were to kill everybody who hates him, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!

Tracy Mutinhiri: I heard he got a brain transplant, but the brains rejected him.

Bishop Kunonga: You was the answer to many prayers. His parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here he came along.

Bennet Roy: I’m glad to see he is not letting his education get in the way of his ignorance.

Justice Chidyausiku: Daily, he is acquitting himself in a way that no jury ever would.

Phillip Chiyangwa: Would he like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I’ll arrange it with the undertaker.

Grace Mugabe: The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father him.

Capulet Chakupeta: Happy Birthday Your Excellency. Never mind what all above say, they love you, at least in public. In private they said whatever said not knowing I was recording their statements.