Congratulatory message for Gbagbo from Cde Mugabe

Your Excellency, Laurent Gbagbo. I sincerely congratulate you on behalf of the people of Zimbabwe and indeed on my own behalf for the overwhelming victory in the last elections.

(Message delievered by Thabo "There is no crisis in Zimbabwe and Ivory Coast" Mbeki) 

You have proven to be a true statesman and a pillar to reckon with in African politics. I hasten to mention that the claims by the opposition of having won the election are not something amusing. I shudder to imagine how the Independent Electoral Commission (CEI) would declare Alassane Ouattara the winner of a 28 November run-off. Was it not you, Your Excellency, who permitted for the creation of such a commission? It is unbelievable that one would bite the hand that feeds him.

And to imagine that the opposition leader would ever conceive himself as president, whilst you are still alive is not only treasonable, but heretical in African politics. I for once have stood my ground in my Zimbabwe and proven that no opposition leader replaces me. Over my dead body!

My main opponent in Zimbabwe, who is now Prime Minister, the equivalent of a minister without portfolio, was atrociously impertinent to come to the office and demand rights that he along with me, the Executive President of the Republic of Zimbabwe and Commander-In-Chief of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces would share power. Ridiculous and unbelievable, how on earth would we allow American and British acolytes to take over and rule? Mr President Sir, your victory has proven to the world that Africa will never be a colony again, and for once, my Zimbabwe will never! Never!

It is painful though to notice that there is a lot of Afro-Romanticism being peddled along by these young Turks as they demand democracy. This is sheer fantastic fantasy Mr. President. It would be a fatalistic approach for renowned sons of Africa, like you and me, to cede power to FEDs (Fantasy Engulfed Democrats).

My own Ma-Opponent-De-Chief (MDC) who turned out to be the prime minister in this political marriage of convenience, Mr. Tsvangirai is politically blind yet demands that he wears political glasses. The same is said of Kenya, also in the so-called coalition government. Mr. Odinga has made a circus of himself in the past week, at one time calling for the arrest of gays and the next morning backtracking on his words, and how would we entrust a country to such a fiddler?

One ought to stand to the conviction of their conscience, there is nothing like conscience of the nation. We are very much strengthened by you declaration Saturday after your swearing in ceremony when you declared "I am charged with defending our sovereignty and I will not negotiate on that". Such a statement is indicative to anyone in Africa and beyond that as passionate power grabbers, we are not ready to compromise.

Never try to share power in the so-called coalition government, the opponents will turn not only to share a piece of the cake, rather, they want the whole cake. I have been watching my spouse with curiosity; he now takes me to court for what he thinks have been violations to the GPA (Grace-ious People’s Agreement).

The point is, with the help of Cde Mbeki as mediator; don’t settle for a coalition government. Be advised that Cde Mbeki might be headed towards that. Mr. President, don’t share the cake, it is all yours. Be assured though that the African Union (AU) is obviously on your side, and Cde Mbeki will have to play by the piper’s tune, AC!

However, I am worried with what has happened in Guinea. How can the Guinea’s Supreme Court arbitrarily confirm the election victory of opposition leader Alpha Conde? Your main opponent nearly paralyzed your office when he swore himself as president, effectively setting up a parallel government, raising serious questions about who was actually in charge of Côte d’Ivoire,

Look out for Zimbabwe, we have demonstrated that the opposition is but a farse, they made noise and promised ‘change’ yet they haven’t changed anything, apart from own changes in physiology. Really they have amassed more weight since they came to join us. However, we intend to discard this union since I personally am very unhappy with this compromise.

It is for this reason that I am pushing for elections next year so I retain power and I made this point to our mediator, Cde Zuma. They say you cannot eat a whole cow and finally say you are unable to finish the tail, so Mr. President, don’t give in to such whims, the presidency is yours, you began to fight the hard fight and now you can’t afford to let it go.

Knowing you are in a compromising situation, let me allow you to deal with pressing issues, but in case things turn otherwise, Zimbabwe is ready to welcome and host you, like we did with our friend Mengesithu, in case you find yourself seeking asylum.

Finally, President Sir, congratulations and the people of Zimbabwe wish you a long and prosperous presidency.
With my ears to the ground, Yours,

Bob Raw Butt Mgabe

Zimbabwe Whyte House

Capulet Chakupeta

Message delievered by Thabo "There is no crisis in Zimbabwe and Ivory Coast" Mbeki.