Thanks but Mr ‘Cuthbad’



One of those rare days when sports makes front page news. Only, and unfortunately for us, it has to be bad news. This is what Cuthbad, sorry Cuthbert Dube, has given us as Zimbabwe got dumped from the Fifa World Cup campaign for the 2018 edition in the most embarrassing and ignominious manner. No, it had nothing to do with our notoriously poor players — the perennial bridesmaids of major tournaments — who were spared the pains to partake of another horrific campaign.

We are patriotic enough and love our football, but the fact of the matter is that we seem to have grown worse over the years, and in particular, during the reign of Cuthbert Dube.

We have not qualified for any major tournaments in the last five years and we have next to zero prospects of qualifying for anything in the next couple of years — if ever.

What with zero youth policy that we have in this country where no seriousness has been committed to resource or to build infrastructure and systems that support the growth and training of young people, like they do in other countries.

The problem, of course goes beyond Cuthbert, as the rot started before his ill-fated tenure.

Should he leave office, which he must soonest, the problem is likely to persist.

It is a culture — a Zifa culture of mediocrity.

Dube simply inherited a rotten system, which he truly and well did his worst to degrade further.

Yet for all the faults of previous administrations, they never did this Cuthbert Dube to us; this embarrassment of being suspended from polite society of football.

Meanwhile, Zifa has precious little to call its own with its properties and assets being stripped off and being auctioned.

We tend to cringe at the very thought of the cannibalism that is being done by the Zifa establishment itself in this broken-windows scenario: ask sociologists.

Soon enough, Zifa will have no offices to operate from, not even cars and we will have the biggest sport in the country being run from under the tree.

That is the way the family silver has gone.

Thank you, Cuthbert.

By the way, that very English name means something between “famous” and “bright”. Well, our Cuthbert is infamous and rather dull.

Dismissing Dube
This should be a priority for whoever is in charge of sport.
We will not brook those excuses about being sanctioned by Fifa. We did the job ourselves.

If we are not going to participate in the world’s greatest showpiece, what use is it for us to get banned when we are already out?

Ok, Fifa may take the middle finger. Let’s give it to them while we sort our mess.

They way Cameroon did.
Nigeria and Cote d’Ivoire have done something of that order or the next, haven’t they?
And if we expel our useless Cuthbert and his cronies, we will be able to put our house in order by way of an interim committee to run the affairs of the beautiful game.

We can even afford the luxury of public interviews to choose the best administrators.

The people would love that.

They are the owners of the game.

The interregnum would even allow us to have a proper football development policy, groom youngsters and ready us for eventual readmission.

Yes, we won’t remain damned, we are sure there isn’t such a sin as to warrant that hell of eternal damnation.

Which we must now take advantage of: throw our dull Cuthberts and current crop of failing players and rebuild our football.

It is that simple; yes it is!

But the Government, if it cherishes the respect of its 13 million people, should move in and move in swiftly and spearhead this process.

This is why we will be watching one Andrew Langa closely.

We have been alerted that he has had a relationship with Cuthbert that does not inspire much comfort.

So we will see.

To be Tabitha
Was anyone surprised to see MDC-T Bulawayo East MP Thabitha Khumalo in her bra as shown in media pictures? Well, that is controversial Thabitha for you. And she is not new to issues of that nature, as we will demonstrate shortly.

In fact, the attention-seeking Thabitha could as well have stripped herself!

But let’s have a closer look at that picture again.

Look at the body language; the ease with which she is carrying herself, the lack of any visible marks of violation and the fact that she has her spectacles on, which should have been the first victims of any violent confrontation.

Her necklace, too, dangling easily towards her barely covered breasts.

Any woman would have fought tooth and nail to protect her decency and would equally have sought something to cover herself up.

Not Thabitha.

Not Thabitha, because no such violation took place.

She walks into a packed hall in that half naked state and it does not seem to bother her or her colleagues.

They know better.

Raping Thabitha
Those that have followed the opposition politician may have already seen a disturbing streak in Thabitha and in particular with issues to do with sex, a taboo enough subject these parts.

As taboo as a woman’s body — maybe with the exception of Thabitha Khumalo’s own, which she doesn’t seem to value. Now who remembers one day in May 2014 when she invited men to come and rape her?

Granted, she was speaking on an important issue of child rape but here is how graphic she went: “To all the people who are raping minors, there’re women like us who’re real women, we’re waiting for them to come . . . all men you’re all invited, we’re waiting for you.”

Adding: “In Matthew 7 verse 7, it is written ask and you shall be given.”

She went on to tell us about how “pleasure engineering” did not begin in Bulawayo or Zimbabwe but in the Garden of Eden.

The controversial legislator is on record calling for the legalisation of prostitution and the formation of a prostitutes’ association.

She has also made headlines by calling on women to tolerate, befriend, “small houses”.

That is how far this dishonorable MP goes. Which makes it little wonder she stripped in Bulawayo.

Thank goodness we hear she has been duly fined for the offence.

By the way, does she have a husband?

Attention-seeking Itai
If you are a regular passer by Africa Unity Square you may have been disturbed, around lunch time, by a couple of guys that ran around the square blowing whistles.

The man behind that annoying habit, which he thought would bring political capital or recognition, is called Itai Dzamara.

He is a journalist-turned-political-activist. A well-known Morgan Tsvangirai supporter and anti-establishment fellow, he made the turn for politics just around the time when the opposition lost elections in 2013 and subsequently quit.

Apparently frustrated with such an outcome he decided to jump into the field where he has been an embed for long but with his not so illustrious journalistic career in mind, he sought to project himself as different from the mainstream opposition politics, and in particular MDC-T.

He began by being a Facebook activist and later embarked on the ill-fated Occupy Africa Unity Square “movement” which he imagined would be some rallying point like we saw in North Africa a couple years ago.

Of course it failed and he was to be seen with one or two others of his kind, looking miserable and lost, which could have led to the idea of blowing the annoying whistles.

But he soon lost the cover, shed that pretence of an independent activist and would hold meetings with Morgan Tsvangirai.

He was pictured with him, all smiles.

He recently was at the opposition party’s rally.

We now hear that he has been abducted and quite a storm is stirring over his alleged abduction.

Without appearing insensitive and without any gift of omniscience, we can only conclude that whatever happened on that day, including a possible stage management of the alleged abduction, it is good for Itai’s nascent political career.

He loves publicity and now he has got it.

Good for him.

He will get money, too, from the west and a lot of dubious awards.

He is now a politician in earnest, and too bad for our systems, if this Itai has been given free publicity while our Government takes the stick unnecessarily!