Your spouse is your assignment
I do not have to define what an assignment is. I believe that all of us do understand what this is all about. Students are given assignments every day during the school term and even when they close schools and are on holiday they get assignments for them to do.
By KILTON MOYO
Every student wanting to pass or do well in any subject area, must diligently do their assignments.
Life is also an assignment and has assignments and all those who want to do well in life and enjoy it must do the assignments. One of the biggest daily assignment for everyone married is their spouse.
Your spouse is not only your assignment but your number one assignment. You ignore this assignment, you miss everything there is in marriage and infact you shoot your own foot.
Unfortunately many of us have poorly and clumsily attended to our assignments over the years and it’s now hard even to do corrections and all we want is divorce or we have just given up and we are settling for misery. That is sad. What am I saying?
Do your work concerning your spouse
Beloved, your spouse is your work and your responsibility. To be lazy on your spouse is dangerous and suicidal at the same time.
You do not work on your spouse by trying to control them, trying to change them, or being violent and instilling fear in them. That is stupid and is not work, but destruction.
You work on your spouse by loving them unconditionally and above all things on earth. There is no human being who should take the place of your spouse. You work on your spouse by building confidence in them so they can be who God intended them to be.
The problem is that you want them to be who you want and not what their Creator wants. Understand that you are not married to that person to turn them into your goblin or anything you want, but to help them become the complete product God intended right from the begin.
Your work is to produce from your spouse or in your spouse the woman or man of God. Your work is to bring the best out of your spouse. Bring out all the good out of him or her. Your spouse is your work and not that of your parents, pastor, church or friends.
You will not find a ready-made spouse
There are those of us who live in utopia, where we think we will find a perfect spouse. This is a deception that will break your heart.
Infact, it is the thinking of lazy and impatient people. No one is ready-made out there. Everyone is work and somebody must help them out.
The role of a spouse is to learn from their spouse. It is to encourage their spouse to be the best and to delearn some habits that might be against love.
You see, you have a challenge when your spouse is unteachable and thinks that they know it all. You have a challenge when you spouse takes offence when corrected or taught.
Infact, such a man or woman is still a child and not yet ready for marriage. Beloved, in marriage you will teach and train each other. We come into it from different backgrounds, with different experiences. These must be modified to fit into our love, romance and vision.
There is no one who can help you reform except your spouse, who will do it in love. This is never an overnight thing. It’s a process. I know that most of us refuse to learn so we can promote our love and we want to force things and hide behind a finger, claiming it’s our culture or tradition.
Let me be clear to you that your culture will persecute your love. After all, without sounding harsh, our African culture is so unromantic.
There are two issues here. Do your duty of working on your spouse and also do your duty of being teachable and wanting to learn. Your marriage is unique from any other and so do it the best you choose and enjoy it.
Work on yourself
Anyone doing an assignment anywhere, will first prepare themselves and be ready to sit down and work. They research and gather the right information and order their facts well, so they can just flow as they do their work.
This is the same with your spouse. Work on yourself first. Be the best spouse yourself. Invest in you. Read books about husbands or wives. Read the bible and learn from God what a husband is and what a wife is.
You will never help anyone change if you have not changed yourself. Change starts with you. Ignorant spouses are violent and abusive. I have always said that marriage suffers from serious ignorance. Build yourself up. You are a husband and you want to lead your wife and family please empower yourself.
Just being in the office of a husband is not enough without wisdom, understanding and knowledge. My disappointment is that most of us would seek information about anything else except our marriages and families. This is deception of the highest order. To do your assignment empower yourself.
Beloved, you all have a duty to do towards yourself and your spouse. Do not run away from your assignment. That is failure. Work on it, get information. Get knowledge. Ask and find out. Do the duty of a spouse and not of a devil. Give love freely.
Be patient and kind to your spouse all the time. Do not give orders but suggest with love.
I am looking forward to spouses who are really committed to enjoying marriage the most beautiful human relationship and I want to live my life walking with such and helping as many as I can to enjoy.
Let me say this, you are fooling yourself when you think you can enjoy your marriage carrying yourself the way of your traditions or cultures, instead of the way of love and God.
Human cultures know nothing about marriage and love. Learn marriage from God who created it.
It is the festive season where you are partying, please do it as families. We are also available to talk to you at your parties.
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of Marriage Fitness. Call or whatsap on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 email@example.com.